Also because it's my own darn life.
But sometimes, when realization kicks in hard under your butt, what I want…may not be exactly what's right.
So apparently, this is just how life gets confusing but at the same time exciting.
In the past few days, I have been keeping up the "Do Whatever I Want" mentality.
Yes, I was happy and I felt the taste of freedom and I riskily let go of
I've been receiving a lot of presents lately from PB (which stands for Polar Bear aka Kira aka Ariff).
A Bouquet of Flowers with 3 roses
A necklace
A single Rose Flower (while doing PPP laser treatment)
A pair of beautiful earrings with the eiffel tower
Star shaped hair pin (Which I've aldy lost >.<)
Cough Medicine
Another single Rose Flower (After my SMU interview)
6 of those instant Milk Tea that I love to drink during my Harbin internship
Bebe perfume
A simple Black Gold heart bracelet (Gold-plated from JustMe Style)
2 Bosini Tees
+ lots of food and snacks +
and… he said there's more coming….
Any girl would be freaking happy to be treated and pampered like a princess/ baby/ the Only one.
All the efforts put in to get me to fall back in love with him….it was quite expected since I've already known him for so long….and he was my boyfriend once before.
Nothing was quite that surprising. He was trying his best to be that guy that I've loved and cared before.
Sadly, my heart doesn't react that strongly to someone who have hurt me so much. Feelings are still there, solid and intact. I guess I just need some time. (Or probably LOTS of time and to see LOTS of effort) before I can really see him as a life long partner who I would share my future with.
And when I really see some changes in him…
like being more responsible, mature… and also some changes in his attitude, maybe then I would be able to really love him back the way he loves me.
I'm just scared of getting hurt once more.
Not only does it affect me, i'll affect my family and my friends…
and that sucks.
But I guess I have to give him some credit for all that he has done. I mean, it took a lot of courage, bravery and also love for a guy to come back for the girl that he regretted leaving.
Not to mention the pride and ego he have to sacrifice.
And All those criticism that he has to face from people who knew about our situation…
Even I myself wouldn't be able to take it.
I think that's just why I gave him a second chance. Not for all the things that he has bought for me… but for the efforts made to make me happy and also for making me believe that I'm the only girl that can make him happy and that he has learnt his lesson
- the hard way -
No use Wondering how things will get from here…things will just have to happen.
I've already been surprised so many times on how things can suddenly change and turn to an opposite direction…I think it's just best to stick to my lady instinct and go with the flow. My heart will lead the way. Hopefully the right way. Only time will tell.
Chiao! :)
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