Question marks?

Things have been going pretty smoothly in my life so far for the past few months. (After much suffering)
But now…I feel better with no heart aches, no illness, no accidents and no major drama…

It's easy to be very happy with how things are when you don't get hurt.
Especially from people you are close with.
How can I not be happy?
I'm graduating from Poly.
I have Months of 'free-time' where I don't have to care about reports or pleasing people.
and the best thing is that I'm just happy enough that I can apply for a local University with my current GPA.
Although it's not that perfect, but at least I'm confident that it will get me somewhere…hopefully
*PRAYING hard to get into SMU Bachelor of Sci (Information Systems Management)*

I have learnt to forgive and forget. That is just how I have managed to moved on with my life and just be happy. I guess it's no use keeping past regrets and hatred inside our hearts.
It will only make you mope around, feeling depressed, empty and lonely. These kind of feelings are just scary. I've matured (a bit) and learned from my mistakes. I don't want anymore childish love drama where I keep making the same mistakes again and again, hurting myself and that person.

Maybe that's why I sort of gave up. Gave up on this little thing call love.
It's not like I'm turning heartless or I don't have any sort of feelings anymore…
I'm just scared. There's so many 'What If's and there's also the question of my own feelings that have been forcefully frozen by me during that depressing period.
It was the only way to get me focus on what's happening around me.
What's currently important that I have to accomplish.
Apparently, opening my heart and falling in love has become sort of a little trauma that I have faked so that I won't get hurt anymore. My tears, just won't fall easily for guys anymore. Especially for the one who have made me like this.

I did so many things to keep myself distracted from all the harsh flashbacks or sweet memories that would only turn me moody for days.
I started going for Hip Hop dance lessons, started work, tried to keep myself busy with my business and also I even met new people.
I also tried to start a healthy eating lifestyle.
Ate less chocolate and ice cream, research more about calories and food that helps increases metabolism, eat more fruits, have oatmeals for breakfast and also I became more aware of the Nutrition label of the stuffs that I buy from the supermarket.
I even dyed my hair for a lighter shade just to see how I would look like and I even watched a WHOLE LOT of beauty/fashion/skincare/makeup YouTube videos to occupy my time with. Helps a lot I guess.
Not to mention, I did a lot of Shopping. ;)

After much effort put in to keep myself from drowning into a miserable state…
Was it fair?
To have snacks of which had been my favorite once before, being 'mysteriously' placed in front of my door in a supermarket plastic bag...
To receive a card and a letter with unreadable yet familiar handwriting, making me feel weird all over...
To be surprised by that person's appearance under my block, streaming words of explanation...
To suddenly realized that actually, love wasn't all that lost (for HIM)?

To suddenly come back and ruin all my efforts of forgetting…
To have my heart shaken once more….

Just when I thought I have finally found a way to let go.
Things just got complicated.
Once more.